Friday, October 11, 2013

Open for business

I'm proof against there being a Universalist heaven - that is to say, one in which everyone, everyone, will eventually get there, and that therefore there is no eternal hell, and that it's nuts to think that anyone would choose to refuse to go to [Universalist] heaven.

How am I proof? Because I refuse to go to the Universalist heaven.

There. I just proved it doesn't exist.

By my refusal to go there, I prove there is no such thing as a heaven in which everyone will be saved.

But why do I not want to go to the Universalist heaven? What am I, nuts or something?

Well, I don't want to go there because in the Universalist heaven there is a group of men who gang-raped a nine year old girl to death and then threw her body to ravenous dogs to be torn into pieces and eaten. And they did not have to personally repent of their horrible sins. Their gang-raping of the nine year old girl was merely a stage in their getting to heaven.

It's too bad the nine year old girl happened to be in their way while the men were making their journey to heaven, but it's all good. She didn't need to forgive them. And if she did forgive them, it was quite meaningless, for there was no need.

They went through automatic purgation in spite of their not repenting (which is of course an impossibility, but let's just go along with this fantasy for the time being.)

And in this Universalist heaven these men who gang-raped the nine year old girl and did not repent encounter the nine year old girl, and they say to her, "Oh, hey there. It was too bad you were in our way when we lived out hell on earth. But it appears we went through the automatic purgation. It was kind of like a drive-through car wash. We heard you did a neat little thing called "forgiving us". Looks like all that "forgiveness" you did was really just a bunch of huff and puff; it was for all of us! and well, they always did say God has a sense of humour - since we all got here anyways! Ha ha! Now old Bob who was in our group, he went and "repented" as they say, confessed and fasted and wore a nail belt and the whole nine yards, and that, it was all for naught; oh, what a look on his face when he saw us here. Boy we had a good laugh! Anyways, I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other around here. See you later!"

1 comment:

Enbrethiliel said...


I'm stealing your first proof.

I wonder how many dirty looks I'll get for it. =P